The Practice of Being a Family
This is a chapter from my “Woman of Substance” book coming out this fall. I hope you enjoy it.
Practice leads to perfection. The family must be a priority in a person's life and should come before any other institution's needs. The family will disintegrate and fall prey to all outside organizations, including schools, sports, and extra-curriculum activities if it does not lay a strong foundation of "them as a unit" called together by God to do good works created by Him long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)
Families that serve God together can strengthen their bonds and roots with rituals, traditions, and rhythms that the family can honor and adhere to before any outside influences disrupt the harmony of each family. Every family has a flow and rhythm of its own, which has a pulse that needs to be checked. Families need to connect daily- visually, emotionally, and verbally. Think of creative ways to come together with your children. Rituals bring the family together in harmony with a healthy beat, and when rituals are practiced daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly, the family flourishes.
Here are some rituals that can be practiced daily to strengthen the family:
1. Bedtime Rituals
At the end of every day, the family lands differently. Every day has challenges, and the landing can be smooth or bumpy. Bed and nighttime rituals help smooth out how the family ends their day.
First and foremost, turn off all electronics. Have a plan and stick to the plan as often as possible. For small children, a bath, then a cup of warm milk with some sprinkled cocoa on top will relax and help them sleep. Then brush their teeth, pick out pajamas, and read their favorite book. If they are old enough to read, they can read to you. Give your children time to ask questions or tell you things about their day. Bless them with prayer and encouragement. Tuck them in and play comforting sounds or music for them to fall asleep.
For older children,
Get everything in order for the next day with them. Have them arrange their clothes, backpack, and homework. Check in with them about their day and their friends. Ask them every night how they are doing and how their friends are doing. Check in with their mental stability by spending time with them alone before they go to bed. Pray with them before they go to sleep.
For the whole family,
Go for an evening walk after dinner. Walking in the fresh air clears the mind and brings the family together to enjoy that last bit of sun in the fall, but especially in the summer; the family can spend more time enjoying the outdoors together.
Start a family garden. It can start out small with some basic herbs and flowers, then move on to vegetables. Everything can be planted in pots if space is an issue. This is a great family activity for the morning and evening. It is a beautiful way to bond and teach children how to grow plants and food.
Do a weekly family night, like pizza, a movie, or a game. Chess is a great tool to play with older children. Go through an audiobook together. Play it in the car when the whole family is together.
Morning Rituals-
A family that eats and prays strengthens the natural spiritual bonds. Rising, getting dressed, and meeting at the breakfast table is an excellent way to start the day. Praying together at the table for wisdom, strength, and blessings for the day will start the day with a peaceful flow. Of course, there are no perfect days, there will be spills, crankiness, fights, burnt toast, and different circumstances that life throws our way, but consistency is the key to stability in the family. Some days having breakfast together may be difficult, but the dining table is the strongest family ritual. (My chapter in the food section goes into this topic extensively).
Practicing being a family, well, needs to be practiced, and it needs to be practiced with intention. Once the order is established and agreed upon, there are several practices that can be applied to ensure growth, stability, and love. According to scripture, some basic instruction is given to the family concerning order- husbands love their wives, wives respect their husbands, and children honor and obey their fathers and mothers. This is the foundation for a fruitful family. It's that simple. When that foundation is laid, families can build for their future.
The Practice of Forgiveness
The most powerful practice a family can do is practice forgiveness. Families live together in close proximity every day. It's easy to hurt and offend each other through misunderstanding and wrong communication. Ephesians 4:31-32 reads, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." (ESV) The opposite of bitterness and wrath is kindness and forgiveness every day, all day long. Forgiveness is a powerful building tool, and it's also a commandment from the Lord. Mark 11:25-26, "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." (ESV) A family must forgive each other quickly and often, as often as necessary, up to seventy times seven.
The Practice of Prayer
Families can be a mighty praying force. When a family is united in prayer, God answers. Practicing prayers of thanksgiving, petitions, and intercessions strengthens a family's faith. Children learn from their parents that God is their source. A good place to start the beginning of praying as a family is in 2 Timothy 2:1-4, "First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." It's important to pray for others as well as ourselves. God, through prayer, changes people and circumstances. It pushes back the kingdom of darkness. The family that prays is protected and blessed by God.
Praying together as a family is fundamental in teaching and training children. Understanding the principle of "You have not, because you ask not" is vital to introduce the younger ones to God. By praying and receiving answered prayer, the family knows that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father above. Scripture says, "That God is a rewarder of those that seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6)
The Practice of Giving
The greatest secret to receiving is giving. A full life is a life that serves. There are numerous ways a family can give to others. Families can come together and give their time, money, and creative gifts to various causes. The local neighborhood is a perfect place to start. Offer to water your neighbor's plants or check on the seniors in the winter months. Then branch out to other areas in the community by giving to the food bank, supporting local businesses, and helping with community cleanups. Families can start money jars and decide what charity or non-profit will receive it once the jar is full.
The Practice of Church Attendance
The Christian family belongs to the Christian community. Attending church regularly is known to have the most wonderful social benefits for the family. Being around other like-minded believers builds confidence and faith. The church is where the whole family is encouraged and instructed by the Word of God. The local church is the place for the family to serve God together through local outreaches and short-term missions all over the world. It is a place to meet new people and grow together spiritually. The family is equipped to do good works of ministry and grow up in all things and every way into Him, who is the head of the Church, Christ Jesus. Church attendance is one of the ways where we grow in the love of Christ that surpasses all knowledge. Christian families need other Christian families to grow in Christ. God created fellowship with the saints for this very thing.
The Practice of Holidays
Traditional holidays that are practiced yearly bring joy to the whole family. When asked, "What are your fondest or happiest memories growing up?" many answers will be about family holidays and vacations. The practice of traditions during the holiday takes work to make them memorable and meaningful, but it's worth it. Holiday traditions are the glue that builds the uniqueness of each family. God, our Father, established holidays and vacations. He even gave His people rest days. Festivals are given to honor and remember His works. Christians celebrate two major events to honor God. Those events are the birth and the death of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
In the Old Testament, God-ordained festivals were for celebration, instruction, and remembrance. Families that honor the days of our Lord can come together and do the same thing. At Christmas and Easter, we celebrate our Savior with worship and thanksgiving remembering that God came to the earth as a man. Families that read the stories, attend church services, prepare special meals and give gifts to each other are bonding and building a solid foundation of spiritual and emotional health for each other. The memories are stored in our hearts and cause us to continue these things for the following generation.
The civic holidays are great days to instruct and learn why a nation celebrates certain days. 4th of July and Memorial Weekend are days pulled aside to remember. Showing gratitude and understanding the whys of these days produces civic responsibility.
Holiday gatherings bring families together with face-to-face contact and physical interaction. When the family gathers, there is belonging. The lonely gaps are filled, and everyone in the family recognizes they belong to someone. That recognition alone is a powerful remembrance, and nothing replaces the intimate love of family on those special days.
The Practice of Vacations and Rest
The practice of pulling days away just for fun and relaxation is perfect for getting to know and enjoy each other at a deeper level. Going on vacation breaks up the normal routine and focuses on being with each other and not having to do much else. The time of play boosts mental and physical health and creates beautiful memories. Families tune into each other on vacations while practicing just BEING a family. God rested from His work, and the family needs to rest from theirs. Rest brings a deep sense of well-being and renews the dreams of tomorrow.
Family is the life force on the earth, and to this day, the family structure is strong and viable. No one can stop the family institution. God created it and will continue throughout all eternity. Every generation produces unique and diverse families, but the design of the nuclear family remains the same.
Like Joshua, we will say, "But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15, NLT)